Kieran: We've gotta stand up, say our names and a unique fact about ourselves. Right, I'll start. Christ. Uh, I'm Kieran and I hate being a fucking teacher. You.
Pandora: I'm Pandora. I'm useless.
JJ: I'm JJ. With regard to mathematic aptitude I'm in the top 0.3% of the population which is an interesting demographic statistic because paradoxically my communication interpersonal and intuitive skills are towards the lower quartiles.
Kieran: Yeah, you've stopped me in my fucking tracks there. Yeah, you.
Katie: I'm Katie. I've never not had a boyfriend since I was seven.
Kieran: Congratulations. You.
Emily: I'm Emily. Never had a boyfriend.
Kieran: Shit happens. You.
Naomi: I'm Naomi. I hate injustice. People tell lies about me.
Effy: I'm Effy and I think my mum's having an affair.
Kieran: Good one. Shows Enterprise. What about you, big man?
Freddie: I'm Freddie. I met a girl I liked today. She's like beautiful. That's it.

Cook: Want to know a secret?
Naomi: What?
Cook: I know the cure.
Naomi: Cure for what?
Cook: It's my cock.

Thomas: Which are you?
Emily: Gay... I mean Emily!

Pandora: Come on! We can do brownies and then lick our bowls out.
Katie: Do you think she knows she sounds filthy half the time?
Effy: Sometimes I wonder.

Cook: You coming, Eff? You soon will be.
Effy: I'd sooner fuck JJ.
JJ: I know that isn't intended as a compliment, but...I'm going to take it as one anyway.
Cook: You didn't get it. I said, "Are you coming, Eff? You soon will be."
Effy: I got it. Freddie and JJ got it. That termite over there got it. But you're not going to get it. Got it?
Cook: Now I'm confused.
Effy: I'm not going anywhere near your Crayola dick. I know where it's been.

Naomi: Hamlet's basically a teenage boy. He's got all these desires, but he doesn't have the bottle to reach out for them. So, he goes mad, and wanks off about Ophelia, and ends up so boring, somebody has to kill him!
Josie: I'm not sure that's right. There's no wanking in Hamlet.
Naomi: Yeah, there is. Loads. Only they call it "soliloquising".

Freddie: We'd be good together. Don't you think?
Effy: No.
Freddie: Why?
Effy: Because I'll break your heart.
Freddie: Maybe I'll break yours.
Effy: Nobody breaks my heart. And anyway, why would I want that?

Cook: Come on, Naomikins. You want it, I want it. Let's get together and feel alright.
Naomi: You couldn't make me "alright" if you stapled your tongue to my clit and stood in a cement mixer.

Pandora: Relationships just can't stay the same, can they? Can't always be lovely and lush and not full of weird silences all the time. People can't always be perfect, 'cause that's not real, is it? It's not real 'cause things change. Don't they?

Emily: What do you do someone you love lets you down? Really fucks you over?
Thomas: You must try to stop loving them.
Emily: And is that possible?
Thomas: No, I don't think so.

Cook Senior: You're too pretty for your own good. That's why you destroy everything you touch.
Effy: Look who's talking.
Cook Senior: I'm Guns N' Roses, love. I got an appetite for destruction.
Effy: You're not his dad. Not really.
Cook Senior: And you're not his girlfriend, not really. You're gonna fucking snap that boy's heart in two.
Effy: And you've been doing it to him every day of his life.

Freddie: It's all your fault, you made this happen. You made it all a game first, remember that stupid fucking list?
Effy: I know.
Freddie: You know? What sort of fucking answer's that?
Effy: The only one I've got.

Thomas: Is that the answer for everything? To go and get pissed?
Pandora: No, Häagen-Dazs is the answer for everything.

Emily: You told Graham that I was straight?
Jenna Fitch: He's known you since he was a little girl!
Emily: He's as gay as a window!
Jenna Fitch: He's an adult, he's earned the right to be gay. You're too young to know what you are.

Effy: How was your summer?
Freddie: Not bad. Got chlamydia.
Effy: Wow! Exotic!
Freddie: That's what I said. But then I realised Cook had it as well, and it didn't feel quite so special.
Effy: I bet it liked you more.

JJ: You know, love's thoroughly overrated, Panda. I've never even had a girlfriend, look how happy I am... in between minor psychological breakdowns. Sure, all the serotonin, and endorphins, and sex, et cetera, feel good, but really, love? An illusion. It can't last. Nope.

Candy: Who the fuck do you think you are?
Katie: I'm Katie fucking Fitch! Who the fuck are you?

Effy: You're no good for me, Cook. You never were.
Cook: If this was us meeting for the first time, I'd do it all again. Everything. The fucks, the fuck ups, everything. I'd do it all again.
Effy: What's that supposed to mean?
Cook: It means I still love you.
Effy: Piss off.

Effy: Don't do that! I went crazy when I was with you. I can't let that happen again. Love is not supposed to do that. You made me go mad.
Freddie: You making me mad now, Effy. And that's exactly what love is supposed to do.

Naomi: I loved you from the first time I saw you. I think I was 12. It took me 3 years to pluck up the courage to speak to you and I was so scared of the way I felt, you know, loving a girl. I learned how to become a sarcastic bitch just to make it feel normal. I screwed guys to make it go away but it didn't work. When we got together, it scared the shit out of me because you were the one person who could ruin my life. I pushed you away. I made you think things were your fault but really, I was just terrified of pain. I screwed that girl, Sophia, to kind of spite you for having that hold on me and I'm a total fucking coward because I got these, these tickets to Goa for us 3 months ago but I... I couldn't stand it. I didn't want to be a slave to the way I feel about you. Can you understand? You were trying to punish me back and it's horrible. It's so horrible because, really, I'd die for you. I love you. I love you so much it's killing me.